Before living at YMCA my family life was awful. I wasn’t allowed to be myself and my Mum controlled every aspect of my life. My privacy wasn’t respected and if I didn’t do exactly what they said, it would lead to massive punishments and sometimes violence. I didn’t feel safe. I don’t know how to explain how this made me feel. I wanted to shrivel and die. It was confusing that they treated me like that. It didn’t make sense; their reactions were so extreme. This eventually led to me getting kicked out when I was fifteen and I started to sofa surf with friends that could put me up. It was a relief to be away from my family but it wasn’t ideal. It did show me how different things are in other families though.
I’ve had several relationships and words can’t describe how bad they were. There were different levels of abusive behaviour. In the worst case, this included physical violence and not being able to leave the house. My pets were murdered to torture me as they were really important to me. If I didn’t do things exactly as he wanted, he would smash things and spit in my face. He would lock me in the flat. Sometimes he wouldn’t allow me in any rooms, only the hallway and if I tried to leave he would become violent. He wouldn’t let me do anything for myself, like buy my own food, which I thought was nice in the beginning, but then I realized that it was his way of keeping me from leaving.
I started working with the Complex Needs worker at YMCA to support me with my mental health. I was in another relationship at the time and she supported me through any issues in my relationship and made me aware that he was being abusive. Because he wasn’t physically violent with me, I dismissed a lot of his behaviours. Through talking about it with someone that listened to me and understood me, this helped me feel comfortable in being honest about things. I hadn’t experienced this kind of support before. It gave me more awareness of what abuse looks like and now I’m feeling much more capable to recognize these things without being told by someone. I have more confidence to trust myself. I feel happier in myself and I’ve got my freedom back. I am now considering what I want to do in the future, such as a creative course or finding a part-time job.
